These Phrases from A Father That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who still internalise harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."