🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the comfort zone of your Daily, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college to use the facilities in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as the England coach following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area directly following the fixture, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|